


A Taste of Freedom

by azure_rosa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-War, Pre-Slash, Romance, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azure_rosa/pseuds/azure_rosa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the order party celebrating Voldemort’s death and the war’s end two veterans wind up in the library together, drink too much good scotch and talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Taste of Freedom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myene_01](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=myene_01), [Myene](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Myene).
  * Inspired by [Ten Things You Didn't Know about Severus Snape](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/34065) by Myene. 
  * Inspired by [Ten Things You Didn't Know about Remus Lupin](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/34066) by Myene. 



> To: myene_01  
> From: Your Secret Snupin Santa
> 
> Originally written for the Snupin Santa fest (2011) found here: http://snupinsanta.annex-files.com/index.php
> 
> Disclaimer: If you think any of these characters are mine please tell me what world you live in so I can move there posthaste!
> 
>  **Warnings** : Implied polyamorous pairing in passing, talk of non canon character death and implied canon character death (no main characters), drunken philosophical musings. Nothing too triggery I should think. AR: no Tonks, both lived and a few outside canon injections from the TTYDKA series. :D
> 
> Prompts: 2. G-NC17. A story based on the phrase “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose” (Them talking about it, or on the concept that you think is behind the phrase) AND 4. G-NC17. A story based off of at least 4 of the "Ten Things"...list items (2 from each link please).

To say that the party the Order threw to celebrate their victory was eventful would be quite the understatement. There had been no fewer than five proposals, seven declarations of love and three black eyes. The odd number of declarations was due to one such declaration being unreciprocated and resulted in one of the three black eyes of the evening when said declarer didn’t get the hint when they were told to bugger off. The other two black eyes were the result of drunken dancing in the magically expanded and cleared, but still packed, kitchen and former meeting room of the Order of the Phoenix in number twelve Grimmauld Place.

After a time the older generations moved up to the drawing room on the first floor to be further away from the loud music and dancing that was still going on hours after the party started. Toasts were made to the bright future they declared would be theirs where everything would be as it should be. Giddy with their success and the relatively small number of losses on their side optimism ruled the night. Even those who were usually more pragmatic individuals were declaring that the Ministry would be reformed with good, honest people and everything would be as it had been when times were good.

Remus wanted to believe that everything would magically be better now that the war was won, but he couldn’t. For as long as he could remember things had been bad, either due to the rising tensions prior to the first war when he was still in school or even earlier when he was bitten. As far as society at large, not to mention his own brother, was concerned he had no right to complain or ask for the same rights as anyone else was granted by virtue of being born. He did want things to be different, but even in the best case scenario things for him would change slowly. Being legally granted rights is never the same as society accepting you and treating you equally. Feeling out of touch with his comrades, Remus sought a quieter place to sort out his thoughts.

Little did he realize that he was not the only one to have such a desire, though the others seemed to have other things on their minds than introspection judging by the enthusiastic noises they were making when he opened doors. Silencing spells were problematic, the only reliable way to know if a room was truly empty was to look. After the fifth room on the second floor Remus looked in containing a couple necking, or more, it started feeling like a game. How many doors could he open before finding an un-occupied room? Deciding to try his luck with the rooms on the third floor, Remus started with the bathroom at the end of the hall, surely that would be empty?

No such luck, judging by the gleeful squeal he heard the instant he opened the door. He shut it quickly and went down the hall opening each bedroom door experimentally as he went. Oddly enough only a quarter of them were actually locked but all had silencing spells, those he didn’t bother spelling open, he had a good enough idea what was going on in there. It seemed bizarre that everyone remembered silencing spells but neglected locking charms or even locking the doors manually. Maybe the bedrooms had silencing spells built in to the walls? It wouldn’t be the strangest thing they’d discovered in the most ancient house of Black.

After opening no less than twelve doors leading to rooms which were habitually empty, including the room he had claimed as his own when he moved in several years ago, finding every last one of the occupied with at least two people, and in one memorable room what looked like at least five, Remus gave up on the third floor rooms entirely.

Remus considered tackling the fourth floor, but he didn’t want to wallow in Sirius’ old room nor did he want to look into Regulus’ room and be reminded of Gaius. The parallel wasn’t fair to either; after all Regulus turned on his former master ensuring his own death and, by extension, the victory they celebrated today, Gaius never turned away. As far as Remus knew his own brother never felt the slightest of misgivings over following the Dark Lord, though he did like to tell himself his brother would have eventually if he had lived.

Maybe the library would be unoccupied? It wasn’t very well suited to the activities the other rooms were being used for after all. It was cold, dark, still filled with dangerous books and artifacts, never mind worn, old furniture that would likely crumble under the weight of two stationary bodies let alone in motion. Deciding the library was the most likely place to get some peace Remus headed back downstairs. He heard no obvious stirring from within so he let himself in. The fire was lit, but the room appeared empty until he closed the door and a stinging hex was tossed haphazardly at him.

A familiar, if slightly slurred, voice snarled from the wing backed chair before the fire. “Go snog somewhere else you randy idiots!”

“‘Snogging’ wasn’t really on my agenda for the evening, but if you insist Severus,” Remus said as he stepped into the glow provided by the fireplace, showing himself to be alone and unarmed.

Severus rolled his eyes. His cheeks were flushed and he had a cut crystal decanter of what looked like scotch on the table next to him with a full glass and several empty ones beside it.

“Hmph! You must be nearly the only person in this bloody house who _doesn’t_ have it on their agenda then, I swear two thirds of the Order and their assorted plus ones must have tried to slip in here for a bit of ‘private time’ before I sent them packing!”

“Yes, this seems to be about the only room in this old place that doesn’t have at least one couple ensconced within its walls.”

“‘At least one’?”

Remus sat in the arm chair next to Severus’ angling it slightly so he could see his companion better before answering. “Found a room with at least five pairs of feet sticking out from under the covers not five minutes ago.”

“Dear Merlin,” Severus pinched the bridge of his substantial nose as if fighting off a headache at the mere thought. “If I’m not retired from teaching by the time this generation whelps and they’ve reached school age please put me out of my misery!”

“Are you really considering staying at Hogwarts now that the war is over? I would have guessed you would want to strike out on your own as soon as you could.”

“Years ago you would have been right.”

“What has changed?”

“I suspect I have absorbed some of Dumbledore’s tendency to meddle. After all that has happened I expect Slytherin house needs me more than ever. If I were to leave-” Severus trailed off with an oddly protective expression taking over his sharp features.

“-You fear they would be guilty by association and live down to the expectations of those around them.”

Severus’ eyes snapped to Remus, judging whether his comment was judgmental or merely understanding before he sighed and nodded.

“History tells me it isn’t just likely, it is almost guaranteed. After all, that is what has been happening for over a generation now.” With that Severus finished off the last of his glass of scotch and poured two more, handing one of them off to Remus who accepted it with a pleased smile and nod of thanks.

“How do you plan on changing things then?” Remus inquired before sipping his scotch.

“I suspect my being in the public eye will help once my role becomes public knowledge, especially if the press takes my side. A single Slytherin flying in the face of all that is taught about my house won’t fix everything of course, but it might manage to make people on both sides think.”

Remus looked surprised, “‘ _Both_ sides’, Severus?”

Severus glared at Remus, “Yes, _both_ sides! Slytherin House has been too insular for far too long, the rest of the school fears us because we are unknown to them more than anything else. Despite popular opinion Slytherins are every bit as necessary to wizarding society as any other house, properly integrated and accepted by their peers we are damn useful to have around.”

“I never said otherwise,” Remus replied placatingly, hoping Severus would return to his former, nearly sociable, state.

“But you doubt it all the same,” Severus accused. “No, never mind sorting isn’t truly precise or that hardly any of the students in my house fought for the Dark Lord when he arrived, we still aren’t trust-worthy or useful. Do you know the only reason Potter won is due to a Slytherin?”

“You were a great help Severus, no one is denying-”

“Not me you idiot! Narcissa!”

“Huh?”

“Narcissa Malfoy was sent to verify that Potter was actually dead. She lied knowingly when the Dark Lord was standing right there having just struck him down and a mere word from her would have destroyed all the Order’s hope. She lied because she didn’t want to be stuck under his rule with the way he had treated her family. She lied and you all got your victory. I wonder if history will deign to remember that.”

“How do you even know that? Weren’t you already in the shack by then?”

“I was, pronounced dead by the Golden Trio no less, but as you see…” Severus gestured to his clearly still living form absent-mindedly, “well, no potion’s master goes to war un-prepared. All I did was ask questions, Narcissa was kind enough to allow me to catch up the most expedient way possible while her husband and son turned-coat on the Dark Lord openly.”

“Then I have no reason to doubt your report.” Severus was watching Remus carefully as if waiting for the caveat he was sure would follow, so Remus continued. “You would have detected any alteration of her memories and it was chaotic enough that she wouldn’t have had the time or forethought to change them anyway.”

“You are still taking my word on it.”

“I am, but I’ve learned to trust you.”

An awkward silence fell for a time before Severus broke down and asked, “Why are you here Lupin?”

“Well, my mother and father loved each other very much and-”

“You are _nowhere near_ as amusing as you think, Lupin.”

“Quite likely!” Remus beamed and sipped his scotch.

“Well?” Severus prompted.

“I am here because I couldn’t sit out there and listen to everyone talk like the struggle was suddenly over now.”

“You don’t think it is?” Severus’ tone was carefully neutral, giving no clue as to his own thoughts on the subject.

“Of course it isn’t! The only thing we’ve managed is to get rid of _him_ , for good this time, throw the Death Eaters into a panic and likely hiding, just like last time! Everything is just as bad as it was and nothing, shy of years of painstaking work, will change that.”

Severus looked at Remus, clearly surprised by the impassioned out-burst, yet a shadow of a smirk played around the corner of his mouth furthest from Remus.

“Well, well, well,” Severus purred, “a Gryffindor that doesn’t have to have uncomfortable truths pointed out to them. I’d thought Alice was the last.”

“Alice Longbottom?!”

“Yes, though I prefer to think of her as Alice Hardcastle, that was what I knew her as after all.”

Remus blinked in surprise, attempting to process what he had just learned about his former classmates before taking another sip and start to ask the question he wouldn’t have dared to ask if they were both completely sober.

“How did Alice-”

“-Alice,” Severus cut in, “had the temerity to accept help that was practical without pretending to be offended by it and made the decision to use it as she saw fit. While I might not agree with her decision I can’t help but respect it.”

“‘Help?’” At the flicker of emotion he saw cross Severus’ face the statement clicked into context, “You, you helped her.”

Severus nodded, then explained. “When she told me she was pregnant I sent her a very difficult and expensive potion to brew, one that would protect her against the Cruciatus curse for a period of five years. Should she decide to take this potion while pregnant the protection would only last two and a half years since her infant would absorb his share from her.”

“But they were attacked when…” Remus trailed off for a moment, confused by the timeline until the only possible solution occurred to him, “oh.”

“That is why Bellatrix didn’t trust me, you know. I managed to ask Alice without anyone noticing what she had done with the potion; a pointed glance at the crib was all I needed. I was stuck knowing she would be tortured for hours in front of me bereft of the protection I had sent to her. I did the only thing I could and tried to talk the others into killing them instead,” Severus grimaced and continued, “obviously I was unsuccessful.”

“From the way Harry’d been carrying on I would have expected…”

“What, that I am and always will be in love with Lily? Rubbish! Lily was like my sister. I _did_ fancy myself in love with her for longer than I care to admit, but my obsession was more an extension of my desire to best Potter. Besides, Alice and I weren’t… like that. She was my friend.”

“But then why did you-?”

“Why did I turn-coat on a lying, psychotic, hypocritical _bastard_ who got off on wielding the Cruciatus curse like a first year would a tickling charm?” Severus raised his eyebrow sardonically at me as if to say _do you_ really _have to ask?_

“Point.”

“I will admit between the two of them I got the kick in the pants to actually go to,” Severus paused awkwardly before continuing as if the mere mention distressed him, “Dumbledore. The prophesy could have referred to either of them and even though Lily was no longer even speaking to me I didn’t want her _dead_.”

We sipped our drinks and an oddly companionable silence fell.

“Back to the point though, you weren’t being an idealistic fool and I was surprised you weren’t caught up in the call of, ‘we are finally free! Everything is suddenly wonderful with no effort on our part!’”

“Their concept of freedom and mine don’t coincide.”

“How so?”

“For them freedom is a return to the status quo from before the wars, as for me, I’ve not been free since I was bitten. How about you?”

“Freedom doesn’t really exist for any length of time beyond when you’ve decided you have nothing else to lose so you might as well fight for it.”

“Sounds like freedom is fleeting at best by your definition.”

“It is, and it should be. People can’t be completely free; they can’t handle it for extended periods of time. It makes them behave erratically,” Severus smirks and filled our glasses again, “rather like being drunk actually, but with more bloodshed.”

“People can fight for their freedom without bloodshed Severus.”

“If they can then they can’t feel they have nothing to lose yet.”

“Rather cynical of you Severus.”

“Practical I’d say.”

“There have been several peaceful protests that overthrew whole regimes,” Remus insisted.

“Did they? Or did those in power just shut them up by pretending to step aside while still calling the shots in a more _subtle_ manner? How often did everything change the way the people wanted it to?”

Remus had no answer for that question he liked, so he sipped at his scotch and stared at the fire instead. Sometime later Severus broke him out of his brooding with a measuring look and a question he hadn’t expected.

“I know why _I’m_ feeling morose, but why are you?”

“The sheer scope of the work before us knowing I shan’t be allowed to help, at least officially, isn’t sufficient?”

“It would be, but that isn’t all of it.”

“It is stupid.”

“Probably,” Severus conceded, but still looked intently at his companion as if expecting an answer regardless of its alleged stupidity.

“I am mourning someone who has been dead for seventeen years. More accurately the person I knew and miss hasn’t existed since I was five years old. I told you, it’s stupid.”

Severus’ brow furrowed before he ventured a guess, “one of your parents?”

“My older brother, Gaius.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Severus offered quietly, almost sympathetically.

Remus smiled brokenly, “Haven’t had one for almost as long as I did now, not that I saw much of him after I was bit. He couldn’t stand to be around me after that.”

Severus watched awkwardly as Remus got slightly teary eyed, not sure how to respond in such a way that wouldn’t seem either trite or hypocritical. After a few quiet moments Remus continued, “He became a Death Eater. I don’t know if you ever met him. He died trying to kill me in a skirmish when I was twenty-one.”

“Your friends knew?”

“Oh yes, at the time I thought telling them about Gaius would be better than them finding out on their own, but crying at your Death Eater brother’s funeral is suspicious regardless of whether or not you were the one to put him in his casket.”

“Didn’t Black-”

“-Cry at Regulus’ funeral? As far as I know he didn’t even go. He said it would be honoring someone he hated almost as much as he despised his brother’s chosen side. I think Regulus had been dead to Sirius for years by the time he actually died.” Remus fell quiet for a second before continuing, “Just one more thing in dozens that made them doubt me.”

“Black had a Death Eater brother, why wasn’t that enough to make _him_ untrustworthy if it was enough for you?”

Remus’ smiled slightly over Severus’ annoyance with his friend’s logic on his behalf, “There wasn’t any love lost between the two of them to begin with. I had the audacity to love my brother, even though he despised me. James and Sirius never did like the idea of divided loyalties.”

“That is hardly-”

“If you say ‘fair’ I’m going to be forced to take that bottle away from you and establish you are who you say you are, Severus.” Remus teased lightly, his threatening tears seemed to recede and his eyes shone with humor again.

“I don’t see how your former loyalty to your brother could have been a threat though, if anything I would think that experience would spur you on to fight for the Order.”

“As it did,” Remus acknowledged, “but my loyalty had been suspect as far as they were concerned since our school years.”

“What could you possibly have done as a school boy that would make them suspicious of you?”

“You mean aside from verbally tearing Sirius to shreds after what he nearly did to you?” At Severus’ gob-smacked expression Remus continued, “James was on my side at first believe it or not, he even threw in a few choice insults to Sirius’ intelligence and pettiness, but he wasn’t directly betrayed so his anger faded much faster than mine. By the beginning of the following year James was over it and assumed I would be too, but I wasn’t. I started acknowledging Sirius’ presence and speaking to him in passing to avoid James’ looks, but it was over a year before I even considered talking to him as a friend again. We never quite trusted each other like we had before.”

“Let me get this straight,” Severus said, looking rather incredulous, “they didn’t trust you because you were peeved to be used as a weapon to kill me and had the audacity to express that displeasure by not playing nice for a while?”

Severus watched in confusion as Remus blushed spectacularly, stared at the fire and then quietly answered, “They never could stand divided loyalties.”

Severus reached over and took Remus’ hand in his own until Remus looked at him, surprised that Severus was offering him, of all people, comfort.

Severus and Remus locked eyes as a look of understanding passed between them. Then Severus leaned in and suddenly they were kissing. As with all first kisses it was slightly awkward, especially since both were a bit drunk and Remus was too surprised to respond at first. Severus began to pull away, discouraged by Remus’ lack of apparent interest when Remus finally processed what was happening and began to reciprocate enthusiastically. They shared slow, exploratory kisses that went on and on until they were both breathless. Both seemed surprised when they finally pulled back though neither had tried to get away.

“What just happened?”

“That,” Severus said matter-of-factly, “was a taste of freedom.”

“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Remus teased, his eyes dancing with amusement and warmth as he looked at his once again stoic companion.

“Remus, I-” Severus trailed off at a loss for words and looked uncomfortably around the room, everywhere but at the man he was speaking with.

“It’s ok Severus, I understand.”

“Do you?” Severus queried softly, finally looking at Remus properly.

“Yes,” Remus replied with a studied calm that was not reflected in his eyes, “we both are currently high strung from,” Remus gestured vaguely, “well, everything and I for one have had much more very good scotch than I am accustomed to, I’ll write it off as just that, you needn’t worry.”

“Did you not listen to a word I’ve said?” Severus snapped before pausing and attempting to calm himself, “I called it ‘a taste of freedom’ for a reason and _not_ because I wanted to forget it happened.”

“What did you mean then?”

“I meant I have nothing else to lose so I might as well fight for what I want.”

There was a brief pause before Remus tentatively replied, “And what would you do if I decided I want more than just a taste?”

“I suspect I would look very smug and invite you to my chambers tomorrow evening.”

“Tomorrow? Why not now?”

“Because I currently have the better part of a particularly large bottle of scotch that is older than the two of us _combined_ flowing through my body and I would rather not give a bad first impression if I can possibly avoid it. Besides, I’d wager you aren’t entirely sober yourself and I refuse to subject myself to even the possibly of being accused of taking advantage of you while you were intoxicated.”

“I wouldn’t-”

“Not you, Lu-,” Severus paused and corrected himself, “Remus, your friends.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, I can see it now, Potter on his high horse accusing me of being a cad for pushing myself on you when you couldn’t _possibly_ be in possession of all of your facilities. Never mind I’m sure he’s up stairs right now getting a piece for himself and neither of them are completely sober, it is a party after all.”

Remus smiled, “In that case you should probably leave Severus.”

“I should?” Severus wrinkled his brow and looked at his lover-to-be.

“You are probably right that people will talk, especially if we do wind up together during this party, but it is much easier to resist a temptation that isn’t right under your nose, don’t you think? So,” Remus stood and approached Severus, leaning in to kiss him thoroughly, “go home, sleep well and I will come to you at six.”

“Six,” Severus repeated, slightly dazed from the kiss. “Sleep well Remus, I shall expect you promptly at the appointed time.” Then Severus swept from the room without so much as a backward glance.

Remus watched him go fondly. _Freedom,_ Remus mused to himself, _I could get used to that._

**Author's Note:**

> Story Notes: I would highly recommend reading myene_01’s Ten Things You Didn’t Know About series, at least Severus’ and Remus’ as they are the basis for the story, but you really should read them all as they are very interesting and some are downright giggle worthy! I’m looking at you, TTYDKA Lucius Malfoy! Never going to be able to take you seriously again after reading that one! *giggles* http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4229180/1/Ten_things_you_didnt_know_about  
>  **Sources** : I use the layout for Grimmauld Place found here:  
> http://www.hp-lexicon.org/wizworld/places/grimmauld.html


End file.
